Ode to United Healthcare

A Bad Poem About a Worse Company

You trick us into premiums
And refuse yourselves to send
payment for the bills those premiums
we paid so you would end.

You gave me quite the runaround
A month, then two, then three
“The lab was out of network.”
and then “Send us an appeal.”

“The doc was out of network, too.”
Nevermind we checked your site
and found Concentra marked “In network”
So tell me: Why this fight?

Now I know where our money goes;
This always did confuse me.
It goes to pay for lawyers,
So you’d get off scot free.

The moral of this story here
is important for you to see:
If your Urgent Care’s in network
Your doctor may not be
And they can send it to a lab
Where YOU will pay the fee.

Do not believe their claim “You’re covered,”
Their website is a lie.
Their appeals board will not read your letter –
Just send back a note, “DENIED.”

Premiums are several hundred
thirty-five bucks, it wouldn’t break you,
But now you have this awful poem
Sitting here to haunt you.

I don’t wish hell upon a person,
But UHC is not one
And so my wish for UHC:
Go back to hell that spawned ’em.

#SinglePayer

David M Schell About David M Schell
I am a doubter and a believer. I have a Master's in Divinity from Pittsburgh Theological Seminary, but because faith grows and changes, I don't necessarily stand by everything I've ever written, so if you see something troubling further back, please ask! Read More.

3 thoughts on “Ode to United Healthcare

  1. Perfect, we USED TO have UHC, I’ll go without before I give them another penny of our hard earned money. You should share this on their Facebook page (or I will 😉 ).

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